


Today you asked me to kiss you

by Fandaniel



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Amaurotine Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, Flash Fic, How Do I Tag, M/M, Original Character(s), POV First Person, Patch 5.2: Echoes of a Fallen Star Spoilers, Patch 5.3: Reflections in Crystal Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandaniel/pseuds/Fandaniel
Summary: There is much to discuss with the coming Final Days, including the relationship of two troubled souls.
Relationships: Elidibus/Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV)
Kudos: 5





	Today you asked me to kiss you

**Author's Note:**

> this!! is an oc fic so please bear that in mind !! it's very self-indulgent on my part and i was honestly very proud of it so i wanted to share it with others. i hope you like it even out of the full context of their relationship ; ; ;

_ Today you asked me to kiss you. My cold lonely lips on your warm skin. On a face only I knew. You asked me to do it again. And again. In my purest most naive dreams, that was love. _

_ You loved me. You never wanted to hurt me. When you told me this, I believed you. You spoke true. It was so true for me that I marked you, and you marked me. Only in your arms did I feel I was… home. _

* * *

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧  
  


I woke up this morning alone. Despite my engagement, it was something I simply grew used to. Waking up cold. Waking up without hearing him breathing next to me. 

It was half past noon. How long had I stayed up waiting on him…?  _ Too long _ , I decided. I touched his pillow. 

_ Cold.  _

If I didn't know him better, I'd assume he was having an affair. Though with how much he worked… perhaps he was married to it all along, and  _ I _ was the other man. Maybe I was the side fling.

All this time I hadn't complained. I let him do whatever so long as he came home to me… was that the right choice…? My eyes lowered to the blankets. Even with all these bad feelings, though, I was quick to perk up when the apartment door opened. Quick to get out of bed. Quick to see him. 

I entered our living room to see him pulling off his red mask. His pale complexion did naught to hide the dark circles under his eyes, but even though he was clearly tired, he saw me, and he smiled. It was one of those warm smiles. One of those smiles that melted any ice. One of those smiles that made me fall in love with him all over again. 

The cold feelings melted under the heat of his smile, and like a fool, I allowed my troubles to be melted away in the heat of his embrace.

"Tough night at work?" I asked him, pressing my face into his shoulder and taking in his scent. He smelled like coffee grinds and caramels. He smelled like home. 

"With all that's going on we're at our wit's end…" he started, hands gently caressing my back. I wished he could hold me like that forever. "But we have found a solution."

My eyes widened. Finally. Finally. A light at the end of the tunnel. And then it hit me.  _ Guilt. _ Guilt that didn't belong to me. My gaze trailed to study his face to confirm my suspicions. There was a serious conversation he wasn't sure how to bring up. I could feel it. 

"Let's… talk about it over tea, Elidibus…" I suggested, which seemed to only lessen his guilt marginally. "I'm sure you and the Convocation have come up with quite the answer." 

With that, I took his hand and lead him into the kitchen. The kettle set to boil. It seemed the guilt had only gotten worse, as even at a distance it washed over me in waves. I nearly dropped the plates from shaking so hard. Lucky how I was, he was there to steady me. As he always did. 

He needed me. This time, I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to pay it forward… I wanted…

He… wasn't looking at me. It added urgency to my movements. I sat in front of him, I took his hand.

"What ails you…? Why are you in so much pain…?" I asked, fingers trembling. I watched him for any sign. Anything, and when there was nothing I tried again. "Elidibus.  _ Please _ , talk to me. I dont want you to suffer."

My words seemed to steel him. I was… so happy for him in that moment. His hand squeezed mine, and my heart skipped. His free hand reached for the earring of our engagement and removed it, and my heart dropped.

I stared at it as I mentally began to pick up the pieces of my heart. As he pressed it onto our table and slid it over to me. 

"Nor I, you," he finally answered. His voice was soft, even, but his eyes remained sorrowful.

I couldn't bear to look at him. My eyes drifted to the kettle. Five more minutes.

"Elidibus… I don't understand…"

"... I don't want you to feel trapped in our engagement, so I'm ending it."

"Why would I feel trapped? I love you-- I… what did I do? Surely I can--"

"This isn't about you."

My train of thought skidded to a stop.  _ How was this not about me? _ I was shaking rather uncontrollably now. He exhaled a deep breath as he tried his best to calmly explain himself to me.

"... This represents a promise. My promising myself to you. It is a promise I can no longer keep," he said. 

"Why can't you?" 

"The solution that the Convocation has come to. That is why."

"... And what is that solution…?"

"We are going to give our star a will of its own. And in that process, I will serve as its heart." 

I wasn't stupid. I knew what he meant. I knew…. He was going to die. For work. For all my shaking before, I fell back and slumped in my seat. Processing all of this.

"You can't…" I whimpered. "What about me?"

"I want you to be safe, Thanatos. I promised I would keep you safe. Breaking our engagement doesn't mean I love you any less."

"There has to be another way, Elidibus, please, listen to me. Please… I will get on my knees and beg you. Please reconsider…"

I could feel his guilt. It was overwhelming. I… felt guilty too. That I was acting like this. Maybe if I was more reasonable I'd be able to process this without being so angry. I'd be able to take this better. Unfortunately for the both of us, I'm not. I never have been. I just got really good at hiding it.

He was silent for a long time. I watched his face. I watched him breathe to steel himself. To stay resolute.

"No, Thanatos. I cannot stray from this path. My duty this time is far too important," he replied firmly. 

I stood up to the whistle of the kettle, wrenched my hand free from his, and slammed them on the table.

" _ This time?! _ It seems like your duty is  _ always _ too important!" I shouted, rather unintentionally. My feelings that I had swallowed all bubbled to the surface. "You're married to your work-- I-- I accepted that! I allowed you to continue like this-- I… I  _ allowed _ you to put everything before me. I  _ let _ you, and I never complained… I was living  _ lying _ to myself believing I would ever be as important as your duty. Why would I be? Why should I ever be as important in your life as  _ Elidibus _ . Maybe if I had  _ accepted that  _ it would have saved me so much--  _ so much _ \-- trouble! Just say it-- say it to me. Say you never loved me!"

As my fingers balled into fists, I couldn't bear to look at him, so I instead turned my attention to the screaming tea kettle. My emotions washed away as I took it off the heat. I couldn't look at him. The stricken expression on his face as I  _ screamed _ at him. I couldn't believe it… how could I do something like that? How could I…?

"I'm sorry…" I whispered. "That was uncalled for…" 

My trembling hands nearly dropped the tea kettle too. It was then I felt his hands steady mine, and my tears started to shed. 

"Maybe you're right. We should break up." My voice was breaking. "... You… you don't deserve a partner who screams at you and stands in your way, anyway. You don't deserve someone who accuses you of not loving them…"

Tears fell from my face. I felt them before, in my rage, but now I could see I was crying. The heat on my face was foreign. 

"You know it's okay to be emotional, don't you?" I heard him ask me. "I didn't… expect you to be anything but upset."

"... If I was better for you I'd support your decision even if I didn't like it."

"No, someone who truly loved and cared for  _ me _ would act this way. I'm… sorry I've lead you to believe the feelings were anything but mutual."

I was quiet for a long time. My brain was a fog. I didn't even want tea anymore, but my hands moved on their own, pouring two cups of hot water. The best word to describe my feelings in that moment was numb. Part of me believed his talk to be naught but lip service, but I could tell he was genuine. 

"... Will you at least let me walk with you when the time comes…?" I asked him after some time. 

"No… I don't believe there will be much left to walk with," he murmured. 

I shut my eyes. 

"Okay…"

  
  
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

* * *

_ Today you asked me to forgive you. And I did. Again and again. In my logical most learned thoughts, that was love. _

_ I loved you. I could never stop. Though you tried to free me from such a fate, it wasn't feasible. I loved the you that loved me too. The one who held my hands and embraced me in my darkest moment. _

_ Though I may end a thousand times over, I will never not be yours again. _


End file.
